KILLING MY GIANT
Numbers 33:55 "... those whom you let remain shall be irritants in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall harass you in the land where you dwell."
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A couple of days ago, Evan was on the phone walking in the girls' bedroom. He stepped on a thumbtack, which went deep into his foot. He attempted to continue his conversation without letting the person know what happened, but it had totally made him lose his focus. He was concerned more about the "thorn" in his foot that was "irritating" him to the point of taking his focus completely off the task at hand and bringing it to the tack in his foot.
It's the same thing with sin in our lives. Just as God commanded the Israelites to go through the camp and slay all the wicked, swiftly and harshly, that is what we are called to do with sin. (Read the whole story in Exodus for entire context... it's amazing!) We are to put it to death at the first appearance of it. If we don't, it becomes like that thumbtack, irritating and distracting us from God's will and the task at hand.
This has been very, very real to me. The enemy knows a weakness I have -- a fear of mine. He has been having a lot of fun harassing me with this not just the past few weeks, though they have been intense, but especially this past year. Sometimes, in my own strength I could suppress it for a time and grow numb to it. But it was still there. Lately when it comes up, God has been showing me that I can't nurture it with a bandaide any longer, but I must swiftly and harshly pull it out. I must kill it.
Last night, the attacks came on strong in dream form. I woke up in a panic, letting my mind process this dream which completely encompassed this fear. I started to process every detail of the LIE that it was. That's where I give into this attack and it becomes sin. I process the lies. I give them time in my brain, and it has been robbing me for a long time now. It was like God woke me up and said, you are letting this LIE irritate you and hold you down. It is hindering you from the task at hand. Kill it! So, with HIS strength (Romans 6!), I did. In my head I started quoting Psalm 23.
The Lord is my Shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
(This is where I was, right in battle killing this thing!)
I WILL FEAR NO EVIL!
For you are with me.
Your rod and staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
I didn't even allow myself to remember one thing from my dream. After saying this passage a couple times, I had this sense of peace come over me. I envisioned myself with a sword, attacking this lie head on. One swift move ("The Lord is my Shepherd.") A glimpse of the lie would pop back, a second swift move ("He makes me to lie down in green pastures and leads me beside still waters.") Then.... peace. I killed it. My mind and body literally felt relaxed and peaceful. I went back to sleep. ("He restores my soul.")
Immediately following this, I had dream #2 -- even worse than the first one! By God's grace and His power, it took less time to get from the place of recognizing the battle to killing the lie. ("Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.") This dream even had a table in it, where many "enemies" sat around and they were all rubbing salt into this fear. ("You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies...") God was with me at that table with those giants -- the lies! Again, a sword fight, and a death of the lie. Peace. Restoration of my soul.
I feel like this is a pre-battle, with the main battle yet lying ahead. After sharing all this with Evan, he encouraged me to anticipate the big battle, and not dread it, but be excited about it. Be prepared for it. Be on the offense to continue to kill and win!
So, sword of the Spirit in my hand, I feel like little tiny David against a huge giant, but with one tiny stone, and God on my side, I can kill this giant. My question has finally been answered. I now know HOW to kill it, and it has nothing to do with me.
