MY DAUGHTER...

My oldest has had me confused, frustrated and at my wits end with thinking about being a parent these past few days. I'm realizing my frustrations with her go way beyond homeschooling, though it was definitely shining through in that category as well. For a while, I was just thinking it was homeschooling that had me in turmoil, but after being on my knees, having a conversation with a friend, and reading 2 small chapters in a book, I think I'm seeing MY problem (not hers...) come to the light. My little girl is growing up. She's beginning to need some different types of parenting than what I've been giving her for the past 6 years. We (me especially...Evan seems to have worked through this without much thought, I think. He's always calm, involved and at a place of good relationships with the kids...) need to change our parenting style to fit the needs of my little girl who isn't as little anymore. For all these years, it's been teaching her to obey because it's what she's suppose to do. Somehow, only with God's help, it is now coming to the point where she needs have the character in her to obey out of her own heart -- not just because mommy and daddy said so. (Though I still see that as being a part of it, just in a different light.....)

I picked up an old book that I haven't read for probably 6 years, and read the 2 chapters that pertained to 5-12 year olds. (Ted Tripp's "Shepherding a Child's Heart") I've been prompted to do so before, but never wanted to face more condemnation that so many parenting books can give, even though they aren't intended to. I wasn't condemned in any way, just encouraged to look at my daughter differently. We have already been talking about character qualities in our schooling, but this encouraged me to look specifically at HER life and see where her strengths and weaknesses are.

Today, for much of our school time, we sat and had a heart to heart. I realized the first thing I needed to do was get my relationship restored with her after a couple very tough days. We made hot chocolate and just talked. We talked about school, God, how she sees herself and how she relates to others. She really opened up to me, and this gave me a great insight on where to go and how to change.

Parenting is the toughest job on this earth, and it's the one thing we get so little training in. I'm thankful for God's Word and his wisdom for guidance, but tomorrow will come, and I may feel lost again. Then I just get up and start all over, I guess. I'm just thankful that I can trust that God is leading, because I ask Him to every day. I could never do this on my own.